It’s not unusual for someone close to a psychologist - maybe even a friend - to ask if they can be treated by them. The request is typically innocent, often coming with a mix of embarrassment and cautious curiosity, and is completely understandable: “I know you, and you know me; I trust and admire you. Who better than you to help solve my problems?” After all, if you had a friend who was a lawyer, doctor or accountant, you’d likely turn to them in case of need.
In these cases, we psychologists are quick to clarify the boundaries. We explain that, unfortunately, it’s not possible because such dual relationships are expressly prohibited by our Code of Ethics. In fact, Article 28 clearly states that mixing professional work with personal relationships can interfere with our role. Typically, we communicate this to our friend as an unyielding rule - one that must be accepted, even if its deeper significance isn’t immediately clear.
Imagine for a moment that your psychologist is also your best friend. When you complain about your partner - whom he knows well - he might easily point out that things didn’t unfold exactly as you described the night before. Alternatively, if he manages to separate his roles as friend and professional, he might hold back his comments during a session. Yet, knowing him well, you might still guess what he’s thinking and that could make you hesitant to speak freely. Now, suppose your partner is also one of his close friends. You might start to suspect that your psychologist isn’t entirely on your side. And if this friend-psychologist isn’t discreet (which is understandable given the complexity of juggling multiple roles), he might end up breaching confidentiality by casually mentioning to your partner - his friend - that you’re seriously considering a breakup. Before you know it, you receive an angry call from your partner, leaving you caught in the midst of a relationship crisis, feeling betrayed by both your friend and your psychologist.
This hypothetical - but entirely plausible - scenario illustrates why it’s crucial that your psychologist isn’t someone drawn from your personal circle. Sure, having someone who knows you well can be beneficial; as English psychiatrist Henry Dicks once noted, a couple can represent a “natural therapeutic relationship” because your partner might offer valuable insights for growth. However, when it comes to a psychologist, too much familiarity can lead to complications like those described above.
You might wonder, though: if your psychologist doesn’t know you as well as a friend does, wouldn’t you be free to misrepresent the truth? Perhaps you might unintentionally offer a version of reality that’s very different from what someone else might report on your behalf - for instance, claiming you didn’t start an argument when you actually did. It’s essential to understand that the psychologist’s role isn’t about verifying “raw facts” but about exploring your subjective experience. Whether you feel like a victim in an argument or remember events differently, what matters most is what you’re willing and able to share - that’s the foundation on which effective therapy is built.
Over time, as your psychologist gets to know you better, he will help you construct multiple narratives and even challenge the image you have of yourself. For example, one day he might say, “You often describe yourself as the victim of others’ injustices. Why do you think these situations keep recurring?” In a clinical relationship, growth is key. Your psychologist won’t just validate your version of events but will guide you toward new perspectives and solutions - always with the right timing, so that these insights open up fresh possibilities rather than shutting you down.
I hope this clarifies why, while friendships and other important relationships offer valuable opportunities for growth, they can never replace the unique, secure space provided by a clinical relationship. The psychologist’s office is a safe haven, free from preconceived notions, criticism, judgment, or the risks of betrayal - a place where you can experience genuine openness and authenticity that simply isn’t possible anywhere else.
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